And so life moves on.  But some things stay forever.  Some things never fade, some scars will always remain.  And some of those same fears will never change.  But I suppose you somehow manage to live through it all.  And maybe not heal, but survive.  Maybe.  Just maybe.  I just don't see myself ever getting there.

And now someone in my family is fighting their life.  Again.  Why does this happen to me?  Why does this happen to everyone that I love?  Why do I loose everyone close to me?

Brings up too many suppressed emotions about the last 2 years of my life.  So much that I can't deal with.  Or don't want to.  Or something like that.  I don't know anymore.  And the world feels like it's slipping beneath my feet and I'm going to fall flat on my face.  And then I'll be nothing.  I'll be nothing, even more so.  Even though I'm already empty inside, there will be nothing left inside.

I just need to remember the things that are most important to me right now and remember to focus on those.  And somehow block everything else out, because someone needs me right now.  And I swear I'm going to be there for him, no matter what the cost.  That's what family is.

*shrugs*  I'm just kind of numb inside.  And out of it.  Very out of it.  And I'm not sure what to say, so I think that I'm just going to shut up.